Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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