I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
