Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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