Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
