I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
