If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
