wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
