1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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