She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
