Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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