She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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