Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
