I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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