Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
