I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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