I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
