im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
