six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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