I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
