when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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