the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
