I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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