I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
