So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
