$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you had me at cake vodka
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
