I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
