I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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