We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
