She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
