matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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