Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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