I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
