I want to stick my p in your. b.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
