If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
