he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
