I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
