dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
