Sorry, I don't speak sober.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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