Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
