She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
