i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
