ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it glows. i had to have it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
