She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
