Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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