ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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