like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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