Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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