I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
