I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
