My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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