now i know why i became what i already was.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
